Monday, December 22, 2014

Episode 148 (Part 1): Smelly Billy Joel Song of an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet

Welcome to New Years.
Here's a new episode by one of Podbean's Top 10 Most Popular Podcasts of 2014 (Kids and Family).  Tell all your "Serial" loving friends to listen.

Matt and D.M. think the comments section on iTunes is broken, but Todd thinks America has just gotten lazy.

D.M. wants the Kim Jong Un exploding head reinstated on DVD. He loves Amazon Prime for last minute Christmas shopping, and used it to get a "pick popper" for Christmas - a gift miles beyond useless.

A listener writes in asking for our tips on what to do in Chicago around New Years - and the Dads main answer is "Don't come to Chicago for New Years."  And D.M. shares the worst New York New Year's story ever.

Michael Rice debates the Dads distaste for legs, and a mystery caller dislikes out balls.

And in Syracuse, D.M. has a coffee drenched computer, a vanity that won't be arriving for Christmas, and a white couch covered in blue slime.  I have a machine gun now, ho ho ho.

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Friday, December 19, 2014

We Made a Top Ten List! (And It's Not For Worst Anything!)

We're proud to announce that Podbean (home to nearly 725,000 podcasts) has just declared White Dad Problems one of their Top Ten Most Popular Podcasts (in the world!) in the category of Kids & Family!

Thanks for listening and for spreading the word!

Oh, and FUOM (and Women)!!!!




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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Episode 147 (Part 2): To Make Gravy


You're gonna need some whiskey when she asks
you for a "Kentucky Hot Brown."
It's a poopier episode than usual this week, but first, Matt can't get Viva to bed and asks Todd if they pain will ever stop.  Then he tells a story about Viva asking where boys pee out of - prompting Todd to tell us his "I'll show you mine if you show me yours story."

Todd is hell bent on getting his foster dog to stop eating poop, even if he has to eat pumpkin and then poop all over his own yard.

At an Ellie sleepover, Todd observes the bossiness and horrible improv troupe that is little girls, and wonder what the term is for a group selfie.  Grelfie? Usie? Wewe?

Oh, and we discover the horror of the "Kentucky Hot Brown."

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Monday, December 15, 2014

Episode 147 (Part 1): Comfyballs


Especially comfy if you have no wang.
The Dads are back and they're pre-ordering some Nut Gloves, and D.M. moves his junk regularly to prevent permanent bend.

A caller asks what he should do in New York City... the Dads advise casual sex.

Then Viva invades the show to talk about Apollonia, and the Dads listen to the "Misfits of Science" theme song.

Then Viva invades the show again - if the Elf on the Shelf catches her, she's screwed.  And the Dads debate the origin and purpose of said fucking elf.  Todd builds a giant advent set with thousands of doors.  Thousands of empty doors.

D.M. gets a frantic call from his wife, who, unfortunately did not kill the kids, but rather submerged their computer in a wading pool full of coffee. They probably lost ten months of photos of their kids... but then they realized they don't fucking care.  Does this mean he doesn't have to buy her something for Christmas?

Oh, and isn't it getting easier and easier to leave your kids unattended in dangerous situations as they get older?

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Friday, December 12, 2014

Bonus Problems 129: They Die at the End

"That's it - no more diving trips from Groupon."
Today on our Special Edition, the Dads talk prequels, sequels, and "Open Water", which DM is determined to ruin for anyone who comes near him.

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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Episode 146 (Part 2): Backyard Underground Farm

"Todd fostered you... I thought you were gone forever."
D.M.'s wife drags one of the twin's beds down the hall in a minor mental breakdown.  Then Dave assumes a new identity to screw with a fake Nigerian banker, Sir Kofi Agogo from Lome, Togo,  that's been trying to get the Dads the fortune from their dead uncle, Victor Dad Problems.

Todd has fostered a new dog, and his wife doesn't like it... probably because it vomits feces everywhere.  Is it headed for the great farm in the sky that may or may not be under his sod?

And Caleb, the Ghost Boy in Matt's house comes back in the form of an evil keyboard.  Then Matt watches Black Rockettes and Chicago's shitty Thanksgiving Parade, because Chicago doesn't do holidays well.

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Sunday, December 7, 2014

Episode 146 (Part 1): Date Balls


She can't resist his fresh date balls.
Very funny show today.  Beginning with Kim Kardashian's butt, the word "callipygian," and just who is "Fellatio O'Malley"?

Then we talk Cards Against Humanity and sending feces in the mail.

Next - terrorist pancakes!  Then, polish up your Date Balls!

We get a call from OperaNow!'s Michael Rice, who calls us out on our weird Grandpa bullshit about HDTV's - so we spout some more!

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