Monday, July 28, 2014

Episode 129 (Part One): Wooly Willy


The Polish Beastmaster
has a Magnetic Personality
This week Matt turns off his Amazon Mom account because Viva is almost over diapers - but just what are Pull-Ups?  Some worthless tweener?  The Dads debate.

A twelve year old Todd picked up chicks with the magic of prog rock and bad weed.

Speaking of Todd, he experiments with shaving his goatee, which causes his family not to love him.

Then we invent "Movember: Thirty Days of Cock" - or 31 on Leap Cock.

We ask our gay listeners - stubble on stubble - is it extra painful? Is it a protective layer?  Is it loud? whitedadproblems@gmail.com

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And check out our weekly comic essays each Tuesday at Chicago Parent!

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Friday, July 25, 2014

Bonus Problems 114: You Blew Tired

Tired.
Here's the hidden track on our album of funny.

The Rocco Family goes to Thorndale Beach on the 4th of July and nearly get blown up by illegal fireworks.

Todd is an old hand at watching illegal fireworks, and he spends most of the summer watching roofs catch fire.

D.M. is amazed that in this day and age there are still illegal fireworks, after all, this is the world where they don't want you to drive tired.

And Todd suggest selling "banana bags" to drunk drivers.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Episode 128 (Part 2): Polish Beastmaster


Mistrz Zwierzat
Here's a great new episode for the Todd lovers out there.  Both of you.

Todd locks up his children's skin disease and throws them back in the public waterways.

Then he completely gives up on his vitality and buys a birdfeeder, so he can give $15 worth of seeds a day to birds. But not the black ones (racist!!!!!).

He also has a new way to eat ice cream every day, and has convinced Matt's daughter that ice cream > fruit.

Speaking of Viva, she will pee on your floor and not care one bit.  She's the honey badger of peeing on floors.

And Matt sees a billboard for "abortion juice."  Tasty.

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And check out our weekly comic essays each Tuesday at Chicago Parent!

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

WDP at CP - Are You Too Proud a Parent?

Wings too spicy? Maybe for YOUR kid...
Are you TOO proud of your kids?  Find out at our blog at Chicago Parent!

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Monday, July 21, 2014

Episode 128 (Part 1): Pujol's Revenge


Don't drink the water.
We're back after a midsummer hiatus. Well, most of most of us are back - Engel is several pounds down after a, shall we say, eventful destination wedding in the Dominican Republic.  There will be blood... and feces.  Lots of blood and feces. And third world hospitals. And lots of yelling in broken Spanish. And blood and feces.

We also talk rat (or maybe lion) poison, handjobs on airplanes, and D.M.'s kids growing past needing their parents.

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And check out our weekly comic essays each Tuesday at Chicago Parent!

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Friday, July 18, 2014

Summer Rerun Problems: Episode 101 (Part 3) - Squatty Potty

I run. You run. We all run - for reruns!

We'll be back Monday - enjoy this old crap!

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On Part 3, Viva pees in the potty, but not before using her potty topper as a life preserver.  Todd suggests Matt and D.M. get a "Squatty Potty", because the correct anorectal angle make you poop faster. D.M. thinks pooping faster will take the only moment of peace in a Dad's life and make it shorter.

Then... "butt hymen."

Finally, Matt gets shouted at by another stranger, but this time it isn't a hippie or a vagrant, it's some dick in Starbucks who may or may not hate kids.

...and you get to hear the infamous story of Matt's nearly homicidal fight with another Dad in an outlet mall parking lot.

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And check out our weekly comic essays each Tuesday at Chicago Parent!

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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Summer Rerun Problems: Episode 101 (Part 2): Butt Hold


Rerun Van Pelt. Remember him? Us neither.
We're back Monday with new stuff!  Here's old stuff!  And read our latest at Chicago Parent!

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Todd has decided to bequeath some old possessions to his children, including his old comic strip collections and his makeup Kaboodle, bringing up the questions:
1. Was Garfield ever funny?
2. Was Calvin and Hobbes good?
3. Why so many cows, Gary Larson?
4. Family Circus mom - hot?
5. Why does Matt's mom want him to be gay SO MUCH?

But before that, a discussion of BUTT DISEASES old and new, and what to store in that Butt Hold?

D.M.'s in-laws dumped a world of Christmas lights on him, and he's always the last to know schedule changes.  Now he's working not to screw his daughters over on their Christmas birthdays.

Speaking of birthdays, how come teachers got to beat kids on their birthdays in the 70s and 80s, and frequently touched their butts?  That's weird.

Finally we examine D.M.'s gnarly 80's boners.

Don't forget: Second Knuckle for Good Luckle.

Subscribe for free on iTunes and, please, leave us a rating and a review! We're on Twitter @whitedadprobs and have a page on Facebook!

And check out our weekly comic essays each Tuesday at Chicago Parent!

Send us an e-mail we can read on the air! whitedadproblems@gmail.com - we'll send you a random object from D.M.'s house!